Mental Health Awareness: Behind the Mask

Commentary | Mental Health | by ReDDVoice

When you look at someone, you may actually be seeing a mask. The image they want to project. On the outside, they may appear to be happy. However, deep down inside they are hurting, often wishing they were dead. This is true for many who suffer with mental illness. Often times, people are too ashamed to share their experiences out of fear of being judged by society. This stigma is why many continue to suffer.

Testimony...
Sarah worked in corporate America. She had an administrative job, where image was very important. Each day she got dressed up for work, always wearing makeup and sporting the latest fashions. By all accounts, she "had it all together", but that was far from the truth. While she put on a front for her co-workers, inside she was an emotional wreck. She started missing some days from work, but no one saw the warning signs. After many years of hiding the symptoms of her bipolar disorder, she couldn't take it anymore. She attempted to take her own life, but fortunately she was unsuccessful. She eventually got the help that she needed, but was too ashamed to return to work.

Sarah's story is all too common. Many people like her are suffering in silence because they are hiding behind a mask.

Here are some tips:

1. Talk with someone about your feelings ~ Don't suffer alone. Find a therapist or someone you can trust to confide in.

2. Take time out ~ Take a day off to relax and regroup. Practice self-care.

3. Boost your self esteem ~ Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself.

4. Be honest with yourself ~ Don't be ashamed to admit you have issues.

5. Know the warning signs ~ Seek help when you feel overwhelmed or suicidal.

"Diamond"

Short Story | Fiction | by ReDDVoice

Diamond wasn't your typical stripper. She wasn't doing it to pay her way through college. She didn't have bills to pay. In fact, she came from a rich family. She simply loved to dance and the rush she felt when men lust over her. Diamond was 19, beautiful and sexy. When she walked into a room, people would stop and stare. She had a body like Kim Khardasian and loved to flaunt it. She wanted the attention, but she was naive to the many dangers of her profession.

How It All Began...
After high school, Diamond decided not to attend college and started dancing at a popular gentlemen's club in Los Angeles. Her parents were disappointed, but they supported her decision in hopes she would change her mind after a year. They had been saving for her education and wanted her to pursue a career they could be proud of, but Diamond had other aspirations. She wanted to prove she could make it on her own. And she did just that! In just a short time, she became one of the top dancers. She was addicted to the hustle. There was a private room in the back of the club the women would use for their clients. Diamond started making most of her money in this room, performing special lap dances. Soon some of the other women were starting to become jealous. They would do things to sabotage her, often trying to steal her customers. A few times Diamond left work to find the tires of her BMW slashed. No matter how hard they tried to hurt her, she was not deterred. In fact, their behavior motivated her to succeed even more. She was making so much money she wasn't paying attention to the pending plot against her.

Fight For Her Life...
What started off as simple jealousy turned into something a little more sinister. One day, some of the strippers got together to come up with a plan to get rid of her once and for all. They decided to pay some crazy guy to rough her up, hoping she would quit. However, things took a dark turn. Instead of just beating her up, the guy kidnapped and raped her. He assaulted her with a pipe and cracked her skull. When he was finished with her, he tied her up in the abandoned warehouse and left her there to die. After not hearing from Diamond for several days, her parents began to worry. They contacted her employer only to be told they hadn't heard from her. Eventually they contacted the police and filed a missing persons report. Diamond was hurt and losing a lot of blood. Falling in and out of consciousness, she managed to free herself and called for help.

Seeking Revenge...
While Diamond didn't know the identity of her attacker at the time, she knew who sent him. During the assault, he mentioned he was a frequent customer and that he was paid to hurt her. Not expecting her to survive, he also told her the truth about who hired him. Diamond withheld this information from the police, as she wanted her own justice. She eventually recovered from her injuries, but never returned to her job as a stripper. Instead, she spent the next several months exacting her revenge. She bought a gun off the streets and showed up at the strip club one night. She put on a wig and disguised herself. With evil in her eyes, she walked through the dressing rooms searching for her victims. One by one she shot all three of them, killing them instantly. People where running everywhere trying to get out. In the chaos, she managed to get away through a back door without detection. No one ever found out that the shooter was Diamond. And since the deceased women never told anyone else, no one suspected her.

A year went by and Diamond tried to go on with her life, but she couldn't get over knowing the guy who beat and raped her was still out there. She would get her chance to settle her final score. One day she sat in the parking lot, hoping to see him again. After several nights, she got lucky. She saw him leaving the club and followed him home. When he got out of his car, she shot him in the back of the head and fled the scene. Now that it was all over, Diamond went on with her life as if nothing had ever happened. Although she felt justified, she realized that her need for attention caused her to take a wrong turn. However, Diamond turned her life around and graduated from college. She never looked back.


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"Finding Solace"

Short Story | Fiction | by ReDDVoice

The Accident...
Reports were called in to a 9-1-1 dispatcher about a hit-and-run accident near interstate 285, a major highway in Atlanta, Ga. Joy rushed to the hospital as soon as she heard the news her husband's car had been involved. She arrived to the ER in a panic. Leaning over her husband's bedside, Joy was so devastated by what she saw. "No! Not my baby! Please do something!", Joy screamed as she hugged him closer, getting blood all over her clothes. His prognosis was not good. He was unrecognizable. He had been smashed by a truck. His body was completely swollen from all the hospital fluids. But Joy did not give up. Everyday she stayed by his bedside praying he would recover. He was in a medically-induced coma and had tubes coming from everywhere. The doctors didn't expect him to live long.

A couple of weeks after the accident, Joy found out that her husband was actually brain dead. The doctors told her that he would not survive, as his organs were shutting down. Joy had a decision to make. She could not accept the reality of losing him, but she didn't want him to continue to suffer either. If she pulled the plug, she would be left alone. Something she was not prepared for. After much consideration, she made the difficult decision to let him go. She stood by her husband's bedside in a daze as the medical staff removed him from all the machines one by one while they monitored his vitals. After several minutes, they all watched as Joy's husband slowly slipped away. His heart came to a complete stop. He was pronounced dead! Joy fell to the floor sobbing profusely. "Why me, God?...Why?"

Losing Faith...
After losing her husband, Joy also lost her faith. She was now alone and mad with God for taking away the only thing she felt ever meant anything to her. After the funeral she became isolated and depressed. She had taken leave from work and spent most of her days crying and drinking. Not a day went by that she didn't think about her husband and the love they shared. She could only reminisce about her favorite part of their honey moon...sitting under a palm tree on the beach. But those thoughts were quickly replaced by feelings of abandonment and despair. Joy was in so much pain she started using pills to cope. Her doctor had prescribed her anxiety pills and she was taking several per day. However, this was not enough to replace the grief she was feeling. She needed something else to fill the void. Joy started going to bars and picking up random men. She was having sex with them in bathrooms, cars and hotels...wherever she could. She got a high every time she engaged in sexual acts and in that moment, she was numb...She didn't feel any pain.

Revelation...
Joy repeated the same behavior over the next several months until one day she met a person who would change her life. Joy met the one person she started to like. He was a handsome, young man in his late thirties. She met him in a bar and they would start having sex in the bathroom and again at hotels. One day during pillow talk, he said he had done something really horrible that he had never told anyone. Feeling comfortable with Joy, he confessed, "Do you remember hearing about that fatal accident on I-285 a few months ago? Well, that was me! I was the guy that ran away and I feel so bad about it. It's been haunting me." Joy was in shock! As she sat naked on the edge of the hotel bed covered in a blanket, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Speechless, she got up, grabbed her clothes and ran into the bathroom. How could this be happening?, she thought. As Joy was getting dressed, she started thinking. Maybe this was not a chance meeting. Perhaps it was divine intervention or just plain fate. What if I can get him to turn himself in?, she thought. Pushing past the fact that she just slept with the man who killed her husband, she figured she would give it a try. Without revealing her identity, she was able to convince the young man to do the right thing. It wasn't easy but she drove him to the police station and watched as they put the handcuffs on him. It was then that she realized she didn't have to drink or sleep with men to escape her life. Joy learned that God had never forsaken her. That life has a way of coming full circle when you least expect it. Not only did she find herself again, but she found solace in knowing justice was served for her husband's death.

"Escape"

Short Story | Fiction | by ReDDVoice

Winnie lived in a dysfunctional household with her family in Brooklyn, NY. At age 5, she had already experienced more than a child should see. There was always chaos, yelling and violence. Her father, an alcoholic, was so abusive that he had even broken her mother's jaw, requiring it to be wired shut. Winnie eventually ran away with her mother and five older siblings to escape. But after attempting to hide out from her father for several days, he found their family staying in the Bronx with her mother's aunt. What he did next was inconceivable.

The Devil Appears...
Her father came over in the middle of the night, dressed in all black and carrying a gun. He set the apartment building on fire trying to flush her family out. The sleeping family were awakened by a dog barking near a back window and they could smell smoke coming from the outside hallway in front of the door. Winnie was so scared. "Mama, what's going on? Are we going to die?", she asked in horror. Her mother, reassuring her that everything was going to be ok, grabbed the kids and hid them in the bathroom. "Call 9-1-1!", her aunt screamed. Her mother knew it wasn't just a fire, but that her husband had come for them. She remembered his promise to kill them if she ever left him. He had been all over the borough looking for them and found out where they were staying. The family was trapped inside the apartment building, not wanting to exit through the window in fear the father was waiting to kill them outside. Although the building could have gone up in flames, it's a good thing her mom followed her instincts to remain safe. By the time the fire department got there, her father was gone. Desperate, the mom grabbed the kids and headed down south in the middle of night. They moved to a small town in Georgia where they stayed with a family friend until they could get on their feet. They were safe for now, but trouble would soon follow.

On the Run...
It had been months since their escape and the family was adjusting to their new surroundings. Although they were scared of being found again, they were enjoying the simplicity of country living. It was a bit of a culture shock for them, but anything was better than where they came from. Winnie's mother found a job and soon they moved into their own place. Life was starting to look up for them again. Winnie and her siblings were enrolled in school. After the end of the year, Winnie's oldest brother went back to New York to visit family members for the summer. He ran into his father by accident and was so happy he received his driver's license that he told his dad about it. In an attempt to find out where they were living, he asked his son to show his ID, which displayed their current address. The chance encounter would spark a chain of events that would change their lives forever.

After a year of looking for his family, Winnie's dad now knew where they stayed. He came up with a plan. He drove down to Georgia and came to their house. Winnie's mom, who had recently bought a handgun, was still afraid of him but came out on the porch to talk. He apologized and pretended to want his family back. He even cried. He said all the right things and after much convincing, her mother let him in. Winnie was scared but as the baby, she was just glad to see her dad again. He moved in with the family. At first, things seemed to be pretty normal. But after failed attempts to find a job with a criminal history, Winnie's dad was back to drinking. And soon, he was back to his old self, yelling and screaming at everyone. One day when her mom came home from work late, he punched her in the face and accused her of cheating. Winnie was so upset all she could do was hug her mom as she saw her crying on the kitchen floor.

No More Running...
Later that night, Winnie's father continued drinking and she could hear yelling coming from her mother's room. After a while, things seemed to quiet down and Winnie drifted off to sleep. Around 3 o'clock in the morning Winnie and her siblings were awakened by four loud gunshots. Pop, pop, pop, pop! Her mom had shot her dad in the head. She was sick and tired of the abuse and wanted it to end. Before he passed out drunk he told her that he was going to kill her, the kids and then himself the next day. And she believed him! Her mother knew from before that he was serious and she was not going to allow him to make good on his promise this time. While Winnie's mother gathered their belongings, Winnie snuck into the room and saw her father on the bed bleeding from his head. "Daddy are you ok?", she screamed as she watched him dying. Her mother grabbed her and left the house and she never saw him again. Winnie's mom was later arrested for murder. However, because of the years of documented abuse, she was released on bail and was never convicted due to self defense. The family was traumatized by the incident, but were eager to put the past behind them. Winnie escaped with her life, but will forever be haunted by the sounds of those four shots ringing in her head.


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"Thug Passion"

Short Story | Fiction | by ReDDVoice

Tina and John were married for ten years, but now their relationship had begun to show its cracks. They lived in an affluent neighborhood in the north suburbs of Chicago, but Tina still wasn't happy. She was a bored housewife and felt she needed more. She longed for more passion and wanted more sex. However, her husband John was always so busy, he became oblivious to his wife's needs. In despair, Tina starting seeing another man...A decision that would change her relationship forever!

Igniting the Passion...
Tina was attending her cousin's wedding when she ran into an old friend...A guy she grew up with on the southside of Chicago. She was looking sexy, dressed in her favorite stilettos. Tony was looking good too. He was dressed in a suit...Much different from his normal street attire. Despite his polished exterior, underneath he was sporting several prison tattoos. She knew he was a little rough around the edges, but what she didn't know is that he had recently done time and was still associated with a local gang. After dancing at the reception, they decided to see each other again. They met up once a week at a hotel in a city nearby. Tina was having the time of her life! Tony was everything her husband was not, passionate and attentive. And most of all, he wanted her! They couldn't keep their hands off each other. They shared an insatiable passion when they were together. Tina was enjoying all the attention she wasn't getting at home.

Blowing Out the Flames...
Without regard for her marriage, Tina continued the affair for several more months. One day her lover had an idea to have her all to himself. Unbeknownst to Tina, he planned to have some of his gang members kill her husband. Citing good news, Tony held Tina in his arms and said, "We don't have to worry about your husband anymore!...Now it's just you and me, baby!" Tina was terrified, but went along with it. The plan was to make it look like an accidental fire, so that people would think John fell asleep while smoking in bed. And the plan worked. Now at last the lovers could be together. What was meant to be a good thing turned out to be the opposite for Tina. She was too terrified to see Tony again after what happened. She started having second thoughts. She was afraid of what he was capable of and couldn't help but think her husband's death was all her fault. "Did I curse my marriage? What if things don't work out with us? Will he have me killed too?", she thought. After the funeral, Tina moved far away and never looked back. Although she was not happy in her marriage, she never really wanted her husband to die. She wanted passion, but she learned a valuable lesson...Be careful what you ask for!

"Hey, lil girl"

Poem | by ReDDVoice

Hey, lil girl...I'm sorry that your step-dad tried to rape you
He took away your innocence
It wasn't your fault; You didn't have a clue

Hey, lil girl...I'm sorry your mom shot your dad in the head
The gunshots awakened you
You remembered that night, but you were still in bed

Hey, lil girl...I'm sorry your uncle abused you
He made you turn black, red and purple
Your body ached worse than the flu

Hey, lil girl...I'm sorry your dad beat your mom
As often as he slept
You had to watch the abuse, but still remain calm

Hey, lil girl...I'm sorry you were never held by your dad
He never said I love you
I know that every time you think of his neglect it makes you sad

Hey, lil girl...Don't be so angry
You have every reason to be mad at the world
But I want for you to be happy

Hey, lil girl...Just have faith and trust God
Don't ever give up
You are the pea, but his protection is the pod

Hey, lil girl...You've been through a lot
Life has been tough
But weak, you are not!

"Strongholds"

Short Story | Fiction | by ReDDVoice

Sometimes things that happen in the past can become strongholds, trapping us in a life of spiritual bondage. A dark place, plagued by negative thoughts and defiant behavior. Maya knew this dark place all too well. She was haunted by the demons of her past. To dull the pain, she started drinking alcohol when she was just a teenager. She dropped out of high school and gave up on her dreams of becoming an attorney. Maya's life was out of control.

A Troubled Past...
When Maya was only eleven, she was molested by her step-dad. Because her mother worked a lot, she was occasionally left at home alone with him. One day he decided to target her. His efforts were premeditated, as he waited until her mother went to work one night. He caught Maya in the hallway and pulled her into her mother's room. She tried to fight him off, but he was just too strong. He threw her down on the bed, tied her hands to the bedpost and force himself on her. Trying to get away, she kicked and screamed, moving her hips rapidly from side to side in protest. But he kept grinding her, trying to force his penis between her legs. She can remember the nauseating smell of his hot, stinky breath as he tried to kiss her on the face and neck. After several agonizing minutes, he finally gave up trying to rape her. In shock, Maya managed to get up and run. She stayed in her room crying for the rest of the day with the door locked. She kept the incident a secret and never told anyone out of fear she would hurt her mother. Maya never recovered from that day. Her spirit was broken and her life was changed forever.

A Turn For The Worse...
Over the next twenty years, Maya struggled with her addiction and was in and out of jail for DUI's and disorderly conduct. Family and friends no longer wanted to help her because they were tired of dealing with her reckless behavior. Searching for acceptance, Maya started hanging out with a motorcycle gang at a local bar. They were the kind of rough neck crew who were involved with murder and organized crime. She started doing drugs with them and was passed around like trash, having sex with multiple members and serving at their pleasure. Occasionally, she was forced to do drug runs. But on one occasion, she was caught trying to smuggle ten kilos of cocaine hidden inside her luggage. Maya was convicted to twenty years in prison, where she would finally get the help that she needed. In prison, she received medication to help curve her cravings. Now without the alcohol and drugs, Maya was forced to face her demons.

A Negative Into a Positive...
Getting arrested may have taken Maya's freedom, but being incarcerated enabled her to get sober and to take a deeper look at her life. Maya was committed to her recovery and eventually got involved in the prison church ministry. She shared her testimony with other women and found solace in knowing that she wasn't alone. At age 51, Maya had served her time and was released from federal prison. She joined a support group for sexual abused victims and started seeing a therapist for her PTSD. Although the journey would be a long one, after forty years Maya finally found the courage to confront the strongholds that ultimately took her freedom.