Sometimes you just want to die!...As terrible as it sounds, the truth is...this is exactly how many people feel...Despite our best efforts to stay positive, there are just things that happen in our lives that make us feel hopeless!...The scars from the past can be invisible, but the cuts are still there...There are days when you just cry...Days when you just don't want to get out of bed, brush your teeth or even bathe...You try isolating yourself so that no one can see what you're going through...because you can no longer pretend that everything is OK...You feel life is not worth living, so you'd rather take the easy way out...In your mind, death is inevitable!... And you become your own judge, jury and executioner!
Suicide By Cop...
This was such the case for one young woman who had given up and no longer wanted to live...She had tried therapy and medications, but nothing seemed to really help...She was so overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness and despair that she would often result to cutting her wrist with a razor to relieve the pain...But the feelings will always come back...She was so consumed with self-hatred and negative self-talk that would often cause her to spiral out of control...She was tired of being haunted by the demons of her past...So she came up with a way to end her suffering...She would die by the hands of a cop!...While this plan was not well thought out, she knew she was too much of a coward to kill herself...She had tried suicide a few times in the past, but was unsuccessful...This time, her plan was to let someone else to do her dirty work...She was going to call the cops with a false report of someone trying to assault another person with a gun...She knew that if she called 911 with this story, the police would show up with their guns out and ready to shoot!...She would then point her gun at them, hoping they would kill her in defense...She picked the perfect day...A day when she would be home alone and no one else could interfere...
It was 3pm on an average spring day...She sat in silence at her kitchen table, holding the phone in one hand and a 38 revolver in the other...Contemplating the dreaded call, she starred at her cell phone and slowly dialed 9-1-1...Like she had anticipated, the police showed up in full force!...Knocking loudly on her door..."Police, open up!", they yelled!...When she opened the door, she could see the intensity in their eyes...They entered her apartment and asked who made the call and the location of the assailant...She confessed that it was her, revealing the gun in her hand...Immediately the officers raised their weapons and demanded that she drop hers...A few seconds passed, but it felt like eternity...And in that moment, she got scared and raised the gun to her own head...One of the officers realized that she was distraught...He felt her desperation and had experienced similar calls like this where people, who want to die, try to use the cops to carry it out for them...Luckily for her, he had received special training in his unit on how to deal with mentally ill patients...While his partners covered him, he lowered his weapon and began to talk her down...He begged her to give him the gun...After much convincing, she eventually complied...She was taken into custody and an ambulance was called to transport her to the hospital for evaluation...She was put on a 10-13 psychiatric hold and transferred to a local mental health crisis center...
Wounds of the Past
She confessed during treatment that as a child, she was molested by a cousin...Then as a young girl, she was molested by her stepfather...She carried that pain with her throughout her childhood...Because of this exposure, she became sexually active very early, often having sex with much older men...At age 16, she dated a 26 year old man who beat her and later kidnapped her by knife point when she tried to break up with him...At age 17, she married a 21 year old Marine, who also emotionally and physically abused her...By the time she was 22, she had been abused by every man in her life...To add insult to injury, she was even raped by a couple of them...This experience shaped her as a woman and affected her relationship with men...Despite her efforts to move on, the pains of her past were like scalpel incisions on her soul...The kind of wounds, if left untreated...could leave deep, permanent scars...
During her recent crisis, she had been haunted by these memories...And history was repeating itself all over again...She was now 22 and married to her second husband...She didn't really love him at the time, but he offered her the security she thought needed at that time in her life...She was blinded by his kindness and willingness to take care of her...Like her first husband, he was also in the military...And after she moved away with him, she discovered he was not too different from the others who had hurt her in the past...He became so verbally abusive that at times she preferred a beating over his constant belittling and bullying...She was far away from home and felt she had no one to confide in...This treatment and constant abuse in her life triggered her feelings of hopelessness...And actions that almost ended her life that day...Her demons were defeated by the Angels who were watching over her... Thanks to God's grace, she can now start the healing process of dressing those old wounds... forgiving those who hurt her...and learning to love herself again...One day at a time...
Stay Tuned For More Short Stories...
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